It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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