lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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