you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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