I got chris browned last night
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
