o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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