Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We are two peas in an std pod
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
