look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
