so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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