There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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