I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
