Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
