I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
