I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
