ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize