can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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