It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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