I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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