i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
