I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
