M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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