I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
