I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
