so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
