I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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