in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
