Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
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Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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