holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
