Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
