He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
