You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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