My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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