I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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