He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
