Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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