i permit you to call me
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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