Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
