thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
