when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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