IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
