Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize