When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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