The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
