He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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