Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
