Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
