Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
