just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
