he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
