so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
