Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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