You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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