New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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