You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
