At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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