my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
