do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
