No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
