He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
