I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
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I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
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So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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