His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
