it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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